We went to an "Internet Arcade" inside a porn shop. (NSFW)

As Yannik and I were waiting for Donna to finish the act of sneaking into a bar for a piss without buying a drink we were discussing his new English word of the day “Inconspicuous” and it’s many fun possible context’s. As we were talking, across the road I spotted an adult shop which had a sign stating that it had ‘ADULT TOYS LINGERIE DVDS MAGAZINES” pretty standard, oh and an “INTERNET ARCADE’. What the fuck is an internet arcade? And why is it in a porn shop?

Dark and Eerie, like the souls of customers.

My first horrible thought is that it was a bunch of wanking booths with computers in them. I said this to Yannik and he asked me what an arcade was, (I’m pretty sure it’s the same word in German but with a K instead of a C but I explained it to him anyway), “Well maybe it’s just a row of computers like an internet café?” I also feared the same boring conclusion but once Donna returned I made it our quest to discover the truth of the newly founded myth of the internet arcade inside an adult shop.

We made our way down the brightly lit, almost clinically clean, staircase into the basement below. Covering the walls were the usual dildos, leather straps and too-trashy-to-be-sexy underwear but none of this was of any interest to us. The lovely girl behind the counter asked if she could help and I replied simply “Internet Arcade” probably finding it odd that 3 men and a girl want to go there together she pointed at a hole in the wall past the counter.

“Mommy is a Gang Bang Whore 10” is Nick’s second favourite DVD after Finding Nemo.

Walking through the doorway we entered ‘2001’s Masturbation Enthusiast Heaven’, it’s a beautiful room where time stands still, in this room there is no internet, the’re no smart phones with 4G and there’s definitely no PornHub.com, it’s a shrine to what could have been of the porn industry had people somehow collectively decided that porn websites are too full of viruses to bother clicking on. But unfortunately for this room, windows installed firewalls and internet browsers got a bit smarter.

Again, this wasn’t why we were here, there was a room that our collective saliva glands were squirting to witness, the anticipation ran through my veins thick giving me the inevitable palpitations my heart could do nothing to prevent. What could the following room behold?

Yup, that’s a wanking booth.

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